It’s been a while since I’ve updated. Figured I’d hop on and let everyone know I’m still here, still sober (28 months!), and still drowning in my own mental health mire. I haven’t updated since the New Year and it’s hard to believe it’s already October. It seems like the last ten months have passed […]

Where does one even begin? 2021 in a lot of ways was even worse than 2020 and I surmise that it’s because we spent so much of 2020 in survival, what’s-going-to-happen-now, what-the-hell-is-even-going-on, mode. In 2021, life returned to “normal” but even then, not really. It was a new normal and one where we had to […]

When I got sober, I made the decision to recover out loud. And sometimes that’s showing parts of myself I don’t necessarily want people to see. In the past few months, my anxiety has increased to the point where it’s nearly debilitating. I have a hard time driving, leaving the house, being alone. It’s pure […]

This is the face of mental illness and recovery. On days like today, it’s hard to function as a human being. When the panic attacks are attacking and the depression is depressing and my brain is telling me what a piece of shit failure I am in every aspect of my life. I hit 15 […]

“Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now…” So yeah. One trip around the sun…..sober! In many ways, this day feels more important and more special than my actual birthday. I truly feel that my life began when I made the difficult, […]

Year 34. Not gonna lie, the last year has been a crazy one. If I’m being more honest, the last two and a half years have been…trying, to say the least. Even more honestly, my life has been a consistently insane shit show for a long time, lol. In 2018, I had weight-loss surgery which […]

Today I hit triple digits: 100 days sober! I’ve been looking for inspiration to update my blog for the past few weeks and it just hasn’t come to me. Quite honestly, for the past few weeks I haven’t been able to do anything unless I absolutely had to. My depression has loomed over me and […]

So it’s been a while since I’ve updated. I always write these posts in my head and then never get around to actually writing them and then there’s so much I want to say that I don’t know how to articulate or organize it. I found the photo at the top of this post on […]

Today marks 60 days of sobriety for me. It was an odd day, but a great one nonetheless. I didn’t even remember it was my “soberversary” until my sponsor texted me this morning. Part of me feels like “a bad alcoholic” for not counting the days, minutes, seconds of clean time because I earned that […]

As I was trying to take a nap today, my brain wandered to a million different places (as it usually does) and I was thinking about how different my life feels today compared to a few months ago- like insanely so.  My mind supplied the “genius” lyrics in Katy Perry’s song Firework, “do you ever […]